# 012 Of Cures and Comfort

Whenever I am sad or lonely or just out of it, I tend to clam up and mope around. Such is my nature. I give the world’s shortest answers to any and all questions posed. Answers which don’t include words, most of the time. And then, if the feeling is rather overwhelming, I treat myself to a luxurious cry, in an attempt to get rid of all the unwanted, pressing emotions. Just like the air clears up after a heavy rainstorm, a good cry helps clear my head too. And then I start phase 2 : The Cure.

This is my favourite part because it includes Comfort Food - ice-cream usually or chocolate if the former is not available - and Comfort Reads -Agatha Christie. A bit macabre I know, but I like how she ties up all the loose ends so neatly in the end. So effortlessly (in writing that is, in the novel the detective can't be said to use no effort at all). I always wish- rather ambitiously, that it was that way in real life too. Maybe it can be, if I learn to apply her 'method and order' system (I'm such a Poirot fan) to determine whether trivial and frivolous things that usually bother me should..

And sometimes, if I can't lay my hands on an Agatha Christie book, I opt for the celluloid version of therapy. Movies!! Usually a romantic comedy, my favourite genre. Sometimes the movie perks me up with the traditional 'happily ever after' ending with the hero and the heroine riding off on a white horse into the sunset together (in these times, it would be driving off in a Mercedes Benz into a seaside condo together. Figures). Other times, when I'm determined to wallow in self-pity, it only gets me feeling even worse because it hits me like a ton of bricks that real life can never be like reel life. So, with television, there's always the chance of a backfire.

After all, its called the idiot box for a reason.

CURRENT :

• MUSIC - TURN by TRAVIS
• MOOD - MELANCHOLY "What's gone and what's past help should be past grief" -The Bard-

# 011 Of Walks and Solitude

I am enjoying long walks these days. Today I went alone. Nowhere far, just around my neighbourhood, but it was nice. It was one of the rare times I went by myself; usually I’m accompanied by my mother and then a neighbour or two join/s us.

I took my time, just breathing in all the loveliness around me. It was slightly grey, the sky overcast with dark clouds threatening to pour at any moment. And the breeze that was blowing smelt of rain - that pure, cleansing scent that I love. The tall, tall trees towered above me, creating a canopy which I walked under - something that made me feel ensconced and comforted. The sound of (dead) leaves crunching under my shoes was like a friendly accompaniment to the rhythmic thudding of my brisk footsteps.

Unfortunately, I couldn't catch a glimpse of the friendly neighbourhood (not Spiderman) kingfisher perched on its usual branch. It usually sat there, overlooking the small river with its sharp, beady eyes, swooping in at the right moment to grab a fish, its bright blue wings spread wide. When it takes flight, its as if a gem of the brightest blue is darting about amidst the leaves - an utterly magnificent scene. If I'm driving, I usually stop the car and watch, and it never fails to mesmerise. But today, it was just me, the breeze and the friendly neighbourhood (nope, not Spiderman) dogs.

The solitude was gratifying. I needed it. I think everyone needs some alone time, sort of to recharge one's batteries. And I recharged mine today.

Being lonely is no fun. But being alone...it sure felt good.

# 010 Of books and writings

Happy World Book Day, everyone! Or rather, belated greetings!

In accordance with WBD, I've made a sort of resolution : To start reading the books that I have neglected since forever in favour of newer ones like my current read. Examples of books that have been collecting the cobwebs include The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck, The Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens (I know, I know..) and Cry, The Beloved Country by Alan Paton. I hope writing it down in black and white, even if it IS virtually, helps.

Am enjoying Kafka On The Shore by Haruki Murakami, although I find that its a little weird so far.. but that was rather expected. All those twists and turns, and not knowing what to expect at the next corner.. But, Michelle told me it was a good read and I have the highest regard for her opinion and taste. Besides, what's life without a little spice and variety in it?

I was just thinking, it's been quite a while since I've written anything (blogging dooesn't count). Am getting a little worried. Is this just a overdose of writer's block or the absolute end to my scribbles??? I am rather inclined to think it's the former, coupled with a healthy dose of laziness and an uncreative, inactive mind. Need to shift those gears into action again. I can already hear the low 'whirr' of the Mind. Toodles!

CURRENT :

• READ - KAFKA ON THE SHORE by HARUKI MURAKAMI
• MUSIC - SOUND OF SILENCE by NATURE

# 009

I'm somewhat of an aesthete.

# 008 Of Memories..

I remember...

1) being innocent and carefree

2) when I used to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to feel the magic of being the only one awake, curled up in the sofa reading Enid Blyton. Such times are few and far between now, and its no longer E.B.

3) a time when murderous shootings like the Virginia Tech massacre would cause me to react with horror and repulsion

4) a little girl who never realised the power of words, especially to hurt..

5) thinking I was better

6) a time when I everything was either black or white.

7) friends who were angelic and could never do any wrong in my eyes..

8) rejecting the obvious

9) when 10 p.m. was LATE

10) feeling either happy or sad

And now...

1) I am neither that innocent nor very carefree either

2) the magic is lost because the innocence is lost and there aren't any of E.B's pixies and goblins and brownies to bring it all back

3) I'm afraid that I'm growing immune to violence because we're all getting used to it? What a horrifying thought..

4) I know that words are worse than the sharpest sword. True, with words there's no scar but what's left behind is a wound that is kept open and forever raw by that traitor within - memory..

5) I realise I'm not, I'm just different

6) life is all shades of grey, with or without the rose-tinted glasses..

7) friends are only human and when things happen to those closest to you, your idea of right and wrong wavers and you learn not to be too judgemental

8) I'm embracing it and its for the better

9) what a laugh! =]

10) I feel : happy, sad, excited, melancholy, depressed, listless, ecstatic, lonely, loved, annoyed, angry, disappointed, okay, calm, confused, jealous, moody, accomplished and etc. - a myriad of emotions I can't even start to comprehend

CURRENT :

• READ - KAFKA ON THE SHORE by HARUKI MURAKAMI
• MUSIC - ACCHI LAGTI HO from KUCH NAA KAHO

# 007 Of Books..

This is my top ten for the Star Book Poll. Wondering whether any of the books I've chosen will be on the actual list. I haven't and probably won't at any specific time have read all the books that I want to because there's just TOO many. Anyway, this is it, in no specific order..

1) To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
2) God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
3) Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
4) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
5) Little Women series by Louisa May Alcott
6) Anne of Green Gables series by Lucy Maud Montgomery
7) Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder
8) Shannon's Way by A. J. Cronin
9) Rice Mother by Rani Manicka
10) Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

I have to say that no. 1 is my absolute, all-time favourite and I seriously doubt that any book in the world will ever change that. I've read it an uncountable number of times, and am still nowhere near getting tired of it.

p.s : I forgot about Animal Farm by George Orwell (They should have a top 20 or maybe a top 100 even =])

CURRENT :

• READ - still LIFE OF PI BY YANN MARTEL
• MUSIC - MUSIC BIT BY UNNIKRISHNAN

# 006 Of what should have been

I've just realised something.. If I ever want to do anything really badly after this I will just DO IT. No more what ifs and what if nots and repeated contemplations of pros and cons. Because its just not worth it.

And because I dillied and dallied and generally took my own sweet time about things I missed Pan's Labyrinth. It has stopped playing now and I really wanted to watch it. It just won't be the same if I rent or buy the cd. The whole cinema experience itself it what I was looking forward to. *sigh* Well, I can't say there's always next time. I guess I just have to live with it.

I missed the Kuala Lumpur International Literary Fest (KLILF) too!! This was not entirely my fault, really. It was more of circumstances and such.. Firstly, the location (Bangsar) was not very convenient as the festival was 3 days and since I don't have a car/motorcycle/helicopter, it posed some difficulties. I could have taken public transport but I don't know the whereabouts and the way to go to most of the places all the events were held - like Bangsar Village, Bangsar Village II, Alexis Bistro and Silverfish Books) so : not happening. Seremban is a wonderful but sometimes... Anyway, even if I had somehow managed the transport, the fee (RM 100 or RM 200, I'm not sure) would have burnt a little hole in my pocket, especially since that was just the entrance fee. Food, drinks, transport etc. not included. Funny thing though, the KLILF was on a Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and most of the events were during working hours so I wonder which age group the organisers were targeting? The fee says one thing and the timing says another. Well, to be fair, the previous KLILF cost even more because of the venue. I did contact Silverfish to ask if they needed volunteers - good chance to soak up the atmosphere and do some good work at the same time - but they already had enough people.

Anyway, all this just serves to tell me that the next time (if there is one) I should just work things out somehow. Hopefully, I get another shot at KLILF next year and this time, I'll make sure I'm there!

CURRENT :

• MUSIC - THIS IS OUR SONG by CODE RED
• READ - LIFE OF PI by YANN MARTEL
• MOOD - HOPEFUL "True hope is swift and flies with swallows wings" -The Bard-

# 005 Of what never was

To M-,

Us

Golden sunshine and sunbeams,
On rose petals floating in the stream,
Dewdrops tiptoe on blades of grass,
Glistening magic as we pass,
Us,
Lavender and cream,
Just like in a dream,
Swirling pinwheels, colours riot,
I laugh and dance and smile,
It's been a while,
Everything sings to me,
I see you.

Rainbow colours fade,
Bubbles burst in bitter lemonade,
An empty field except for one,
The hero who let everyone down,
The vultures circle in the sky,
For us?
Someone once said,
Life passes you by,
And if you're too happy,
The Gods give you tears to cry,
Shadows loom from the past,
You're fading fast.

Minutes to midnight,
As the pendulum swings,
Snakes hiss, bats take flight,
On leathery, feathery wings,
The Joker poses his question,
Us?
There never was a question,
Needle and thread sew tight the wounds,
Time nor love can heal,
And I ache to be reborn,
The clock bells peal,
You're gone.

CURRENT :

• MUSIC - THE RIDDLE BY FIVE FOR FIGHTING
• MOOD - MELANCHOLY "Life's but a walking shadow" -The Bard-

# 004 Of Poulomi's Bday Party

I had been stuck at home so long that Poulomi's invitation to her 18th birthday party was a much welcomed diversion from the rather boring routine my life has taken (eating, sleeping, reading, watching television - not in that particular order).

When we (brother and I) reached her house, a big group was already there and as soon as I walked in, Michelle spotted me and greeted me with a big hug. She got me a drink and we began our catch up session, which included reminiscences of life in our ex-school and finding out how our juniors are doing there now.

After much persuasion by Poulomi's mum and Poulomi herself, the guys started the 'makan' process and were eagerly followed by the girls, whom I suspect would have started a lot earlier had they the chance. And boy, was the food good! Rather unique too.. Until now, I still haven't figured out what exactly was in that vegetarian sandwich which was extremely yummy. Many had the same trouble and the aforesaid sandwich was the object of much scrutiny and discussion. Thoroughly enjoyed the mostly vegetarian meal. I only just found out that Poulomi has been a vegetarian for FIVE years! I don't think I could possibly last that long, even if I tried =]

After that, the floor was open for dancing. Unfortunately, since most of us were waiting for somebody to start off, the floor was rather empty at first, exempting a few sporadic attempts by some of the more zealous boys. But soon enough, we warmed up albeit not straying much from our comfort zones - the girls' being a corner near the radio. Really quite funny.

When the clock struck midnight, Poulomi's aunty came out bearing a chocolate cake and we all sang the birthday song. Poulomi's mother then proceeded to smear choc cream on everyone's cheeks and at that precise moment I (following Michelle's example) quickly walked away and escaped. Haha..

Later, when most of the guests had already left, Aaron and Ramani gave us - after much prompting - a classical Indian performance with Aaron singing Alaipayuthey and Ramani accompanying him on the tabla. I really enjoyed it. Was nice to see them enjoying themselves while entertaining the rest of us. Both are really good. Left soon after when dad came to fetch us.

I enjoyed myself and best of all, I had fun, met old friends and acquaintances and made a few new ones in the process. Happy belated birthday to Poulomi!

p.s. : For pictures, visit Michelle's blog www.missmichy.com Enjoy!

CURRENT:

• 
  

MUSIC - INDIAN RAIN BY COLONIAL COUSINS

MOOD - HAPPY "How much better it is to weep at joy than to joy at weeping" -The Bard-