# 022

Right now, I'm thinking about Mr. Nice Guy. Not that there's much to think about because I only met him twice, both times for about ten minutes (maybe less) and both in the same day at that. But he was Mr. Nice Guy. And I was just thinking that it would be nice to have more nice guys like Mr. Nice Guy.

Not many people can be thought of as just nice. They would probably have to be predominantly nice for people to think, 'hey, he's nice..' If that person was more funny then nice, then he would be funny guy, not nice guy. So for each Mc Dreamy or Mc Yummy or Mc Steamy (yes, I'm a Grey's Anatomy fan) I doubt there's a Mc Nice. Even the guys I know don't really qualify (except for Mr Nice Guy of course, whom technically, I don't really know). Although some of my friends are quite 'taggable' - there's a Mc Practical, Mc Sarcastic, Mc Flirt, Mc Clown (two actually, they would beat Ronald Mc Donald flat), Mc Perfect, Mc Cheeky, Mc Gentleman...there's no Mc Nice. And nice is so...nice. It beats everything else. To me, the highest compliment I could give anyone is that they're nice because nice covers almost everything else.

As I said, it would really be nice to have more nice guys like Mr. Nice Guy.

# 021 Of friendships..(cont)

When writing my previous post, I forgot the 4th category of friends - the ones lost forever, friendships beyond redemption. And right now, I'm thinking of two people right at the top of my head. I could probably find some more if I did some serious soul searching, so I won't try. Its not that we fought or vowed to be eternal enemies; there was no grand culmination with rain lashing down and thunder spewing out ominous warnings. It was just a gradual change over time which stemmed from simple misunderstandings or things that should not have been said or feelings that were best hidden. The kind of things that were nobody's fault, they just happened. I guess it wouldn't really matter if we hadn't been so close before, but we were and it does. The trouble is, we can't even bury the hatchet and put it behind us because there isn't one to bury. So what else is there to do but to quietly accept destiny's decision and give in to the bigger plan?

To M- and D-, I'll miss those times; the good old days. And I'll treasure the memories, because that's all that is left.

# 020 Of friendships

I've been doing a bit of thinking lately; mostly about the friends I have and the friendships I've forged over the years.

There are the types that you saw everyday but rarely met after high school. Yet, when you do, everyone is talking at once at the drop of a hat and it seems like it was only yesterday when you last saw each other. Its effortless to catch up from where you left off. You don't need phone calls or SMS or e-mails or letters. Its just there, a heart-to-heart connection. Maybe its because you've known each other for years so it feels alright. It feels just fine. And those kinds of friendships are hard to find so hold on to them. I've made the mistake of thinking some of them were rather overbearing and stifling; my eyes were blind to the true friendship that was the forging bond between us. How I regret harbouring those thoughts. Lucky for me nothing vitiates those kind of friendships. These are friends that I can count on for anything, whether its sunny or cloudy on the horizon. They'll be there to laugh with me and to hold my hand when I'm down. I'm sure of it.

Another type is the long-lost friend. You might have seen and talked to him or her in another month, another year, another lifetime but somehow, something always seems to bring both back together. Its funny how fate works. Somethings were just meant to be. These types are worth keeping too because even if you lose them, they're going to come back anyhow =] You probably have a lot of fun reminiscing about the past, filling up the gaps where fate decided to take a break. You'll probably laugh yourselves silly thinking about all the firsts and wondering why it wasn't this easy before. It probably was but since its been some time, there's need to start all over again. But its definitely worth it.

And there's this last group. When you're together, its great - you hit it off at once. But there's something not quite right. The friendship is just good on the surface. There's no depth, and no real understanding. You might have some things in common and that's why you've stuck together - because it was convenient, but its not the lasting thing you think it is. Its a fragile relationship and as fickle as a flower bending in the breeze. It doesn't help when other factors become an easy distraction. And then you're just a friend of the past, no longer the chummy buddy you once were and there's a bitter aftertaste left behind. These friends have a proclivity to be friendly when there's no one else around, but when there is, *poof!* they vanish! When more important things come up, you're cast off and while it stings a little at first, you think you're better off that way. Getting too close was rather detrimental anyway. You're in better company on your own.

I have friends from all three categories. Before, I may have mistaken one for another, or given more importance to the wrong people. But now, I think I know better.

I think its called growing up.

CURRENT :

• MUSIC - WHEN A BLIND MAN CRIES by DEEP PURPLE
• READ - BED REST by SARAH BILSTON
• MOOD - THOUGTFUL "Be great in act as you have been in thought" -The Bard-

# 019

• A doctor provides cure. A mother provides comfort.
• A lawyer argues his case. A mother reasons with love.
• A teacher teaches her students. A mother educates them.
• A chef prepares exotic gourmet meals. A mother prepares home-cooked food which nothing can beat.
• A contractor builds a house. A mother builds a home.

I could go on and on. Seems to me that a mother's job is the most essential in the world and sometimes, the least appreciated of all.

So, to all mothers everywhere, Happy Mother's Day!!

# 018

What's as good as reading are having books that are waiting to be read.

And I have 5 brand new books from the Star!! All clamouring to be opened, to have their pages turned, the words in them read and reflected upon or giggled at or even awarded a smirk or a raised eyebrow.

Certainly, there are few things better in this world than having good books to read..

# 017

I sort of stole this from my cousin's blog. Well, she did tag 'anyone' so I qualify, don't you think? Here goes.

Finish the phrases. Some may be uncomfortable, but you'll manage.

1. I've come to realize that my last dance..
:: will not be on Earth

2. I am listening to..
:: the voice in my head, i.e my thoughts (just to make it clear)

3. I talk..
:: fast

4. I love..
:: my family, making lists, white roses and trees (not necessarily in that order)

6. My first dance..
:: will be significant

9. Love is..
:: the greatest power that ever was

10. Marriage is..
:: transcendental

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...
:: of someone else

12. I'll always..
:: have time to listen

13. I had a secret crush..
:: on a fictional character

14. I cried because..
:: I'm only human

15. My cell phone is..
:: right here

16. I woke up this morning and..
:: lived!

17. Before I go to bed..
:: I entertain my lofty dreams

18. Right now I am thinking..
:: of what to type here

19. Babies are..
:: innocence personified

21. Today, I..
:: finished a book

22. Tonight I will..
:: start another, I hope

23. Tomorrow I will be..
:: looking forward to the weekend

24. I really want to be..
:: all that I can

I tag anyone too!!

# 016 Of trees galore!

I love trees. Crooked, straight, bent, old, young, gnarled, shady, contorted, leafy... You name it, I love it. There's just something about them, something so human, and when the wind blows and the leaves are all a-rustling, I swear it seems they're talking in their own secret language. Of course, it doesn't help that their branches look like hands, and if you stare long enough at the contours on their great trunks, you could probably make out shapes of faces. Trees can be such a comfort, you know. Whenever I used to feel down or just out of it, I would cycle to a particular part of the road outside my house where the tall trees formed a sort of canopy high above my head and just go round and round there on my bike. It was a great cure for my romantic soul, sitting there amidst the trees =]

I think they are one of God's greatest creations. The very fact that they are so beautiful in every shape and size is testament to that. In all their imperfections, they are perfect. I don't think I've ever come across an ugly tree, unless its a chopped up piece of log. I'd love to wax lyrical on the beauty and grandeur of these majestic things but I probably won't do them justice. I can feel it, but don't possess the power to translate them into words, more is the pity.

During my childhood (and sometimes even now) I've longed and longed for a tree house. Longed to be one of those young Western boys and girls who spend their waking hours (or so it seems) climbing trees, building tree houses, going camping and picnicking in the woods and generally engaging in such wholesome frolics that are far beyond the reach of us modern age kids. Oh, the folly of Enid Blyton for causing us to harbour such tender, foolish dreams which can never be realised. I always thought I was born in the wrong era. But I suppose those aforesaid boys and girls would envy us our modern gadgets.

So, I have to be contented with what I have and suppress the thought that the grass may be greener on the other side. And comfort myself with the fact that I live very near lots and lots of trees, a whole jungle actually and that the government regards it as a sort of tourist(?) area and have not marked the land for clearing. Yet.

# 015 Of redefining definitions

New definition:

A home is : where the mirrors show you at your best.

# 014

I will never, ever just walk off when any promoter approaches me. Having had the rather, ahem, interesting experience of actually being one for 5 very long days, I now know exactly how they feel.

Its not that they are asking every customer they approach to buy their goods. Oh no, not at all. But they are, after all human, and at the tender mercies of their bosses and promoting is a job they have to do. So, even if we shoppers have no intention at all to stop and listen to what they have to say, at least we can offer a smile and a polite 'no, thank you', no?

The worst kinds were those who just walked off as if I was totally invisible or talking to my shoe and those who deliberately turned away from me. Some were downright rude too! So much for warm and friendly Malaysians. How disheartening! There are only so many times a body can handle rejection, you know! And there are the wives/girlfriends who at once stop the husband/boyfriend just as he is about to reach for the wallet. Why, oh why are the ladies like this, I really have no idea. I for one, will not be like that next time. There's really something in the saying that you gotta put yourself in the other person's shoes and walk a mile in it. I walked in them for 5 days and gained a lot of insight along with sore feet.

Nevertheless, I had some very pleasant experiences. One young couple agreed to buy the product I was promoting just to 'tolong budak ini lah' (help the kid, lah). How sweet.. They certainly made my day. And several friends turned up and that was nice, because familiar faces were very, very welcome. And my very first customer gave me a 1 cent coin to keep as a token because I told him he was my first. I still have it. Some just helped out because they wanted to. Maybe they've gone through similar experiences as kids? I wouldn't know but I've definitely learnt quite a bit. About people, human nature and the power of a smile, even when saying no.

And now that its over, I can go back to being lazy, insouciant and absolutely care-free!

# 013 Of firsts..

I guess its here to stay. And I have to live with that. I don't think I can really do much about it. I don't think I want to do much about it.

The pain is comfort. Most of the times, anyway. Besides, the sting is fading now, leaving behind only a dull sort of ache. A sort of lonely regret. But of course, it has greatly lessened with time. Its a once in a blue moon occurrence now, but I still remember the days when it haunted my thoughts every single night. It reverberated in my mind and occupied my soul. I remember the hot tears that seemed to come straight from my heart. Those days are gone forever and I couldn't be more grateful.

I can't help the pangs I get sometimes. They keep me company, they remind me of what I had once. Of what I wanted, however foolish it was. But in a way, the whole experience has helped, helped me grow. I'm more guarded now with my emotions, so guarded I can almost control what I feel and how much I feel it. A good thing? I hope so.

First is always special, magical. Because we think it will never end. It doesn't actually, it takes root and grows deep and firm and becomes a part of you. No matter how much you don't want it to, the first always lasts.

Not in the same way as before perhaps, but it lasts..