# 013 Of firsts..

I guess its here to stay. And I have to live with that. I don't think I can really do much about it. I don't think I want to do much about it.

The pain is comfort. Most of the times, anyway. Besides, the sting is fading now, leaving behind only a dull sort of ache. A sort of lonely regret. But of course, it has greatly lessened with time. Its a once in a blue moon occurrence now, but I still remember the days when it haunted my thoughts every single night. It reverberated in my mind and occupied my soul. I remember the hot tears that seemed to come straight from my heart. Those days are gone forever and I couldn't be more grateful.

I can't help the pangs I get sometimes. They keep me company, they remind me of what I had once. Of what I wanted, however foolish it was. But in a way, the whole experience has helped, helped me grow. I'm more guarded now with my emotions, so guarded I can almost control what I feel and how much I feel it. A good thing? I hope so.

First is always special, magical. Because we think it will never end. It doesn't actually, it takes root and grows deep and firm and becomes a part of you. No matter how much you don't want it to, the first always lasts.

Not in the same way as before perhaps, but it lasts..